Ok, so I am probably the last one on the boat, but I have been chatting with some guys on Bear411 at night as I get bored and don't think my twitter friends need to listen to my drivel all night long. I like Bear411 as I think, so far, that I have actually talked with some fairly intelligent people and the ratio of "Hey how are you?" vs. "You're Hot" is greater than on other sites. BUT, I digress to the "You're hot" guys.
First off, my status is friendship. I am not there for the hook-up, I am there for social interaction and to make friends, which, I have!
Second, WHAT? Ok, so you want my attention or something, so with the same idiotic simplicity of the "You're Hot" or "Nice eyes", I will simply reply "Thanks". I have found that when engaging people, blanket statements like those don't necessitate a reply, but I have a hard time accepting compliments, so when I get them, it is like target practice. I say Thanks and then usually the conversation dies! If you went through the trouble of attempting to talk to me, talk to me! Don't just vomit up a compliment at my doorstep and run off! Apparently it is true about the internet and the socially retarded people.
Friday, I went to coffee with a guy I had chatted with on B411. When he asked, I accepted, and he replied with "You gotta be kidding, right?". Huh? You asked, I said yes, I guess I missed the joke! Here is a man who is working on his second masters degree, and I get a chance to sit and engage such an intelligent person, who actually has conversation skills, why would I miss out on that? We spent 4 hours talking about sociology and we could've probably went on for another 4! I did ask him why he thought I was kidding. He said he didn't think a good looking guy like me would be willing to have coffee with him. WHAT?!?!? He is a very attractive ex-navy guy who is about 6'3" and in good shape. (I had only seen his face up until we met as I can't access all the pics on mobile Bear411.) But I digress, I agreed to coffee because of what was in his head, not what his picture looked like!
Ok, so if I WAS cruising B411 for a hook up, I know gay men are sometimes shallow creatures who don't look beyond the visible, and I expect that when trying to engage anyone on such a site! I just have to wonder, how many men hook up by simply sending a "You're Hot" message? How about a "I find you very attractive and wonder how you are doing." or "I think you have beautiful eyes, would you care to chat?" ENGAGE your prey! Draw them in! If I want to hook up without talking and getting to know someone, I would frequent bath houses, but I don't! Even if it is just a trick, I want to know a little bit about them!
I am a fairly good judge of character, and I would like an opportunity for my 6th sense to work a little before I get myself into a situation. Granted, I am no Giovanni Versace, but Andrew Cunanan lived in San Diego before going to Miami! I want a chance to feel for that creepy rapist/murderer/child molester vibe before hooking up with anyone!
Overall, the whole thing is a sloppy mess of spilled elbow grease (or gun oil! teehee, you know who you are!) in a shower room! It can be navigated safely, but you have to be deliberate with what you are doing, pay attention, and be safe!
LBR#883: Push Push in the Tush!
3 days ago
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9 comments:
So I'm usually one of those guy that will respond but I try to have something more to say than just "Sup" or "Nice eyes". I try to engage in "How was your weekend" or "i've never seen you online before - welcome, my name is Scott" - something like that. What I usually get back in return is a one word answer like "Thanks" and I don't respond back because I take the one word answer as the other person not being interested. But I agree with you on what you said. :)
I've met a lot of nice guys on Bear411 as it seems to be the best place to meet people that do have a brain. In the last few months I've drifted away to other sites but I always come back as I miss the quality of the guy that are on the site. They are not as shallow and vain as some of the other places. Don't get me wrong, there are some of them on Bear411 as well.
I'm like you, in that I too have a hard time accepting compliments. Hmmm, but I never thought that about you. I always find it interesting in that the people I think are good looking and wouldn't have any trouble finding someone to chat with actually do because they don't see themselves in the same light as well do. Myself included in this.
Great Post!
I always want to have a conversation about something other than sex, but that isn't always reciprocated on Bear411. There was one fellow who didn't seem to be able to say more than five or six words at once. Then we talked on the phone, and the guy was a verbose as anyone could want. He just couldn't type. In another similar case, I persisted in asking questions and drawing him out, and eventually he warmed up and asked me some questions, even shared some naughty pictures. The chat box is such a small window to reach through, it can take much longer to get to know someone. Twitter ... well, that's just impossible.
Thanks for posting such and insightful and refreshing way of looking at things. Too often we all let ourselves get involved with looking at the pretty, or the cute, or the hunky (and who doesn't want to spend some time with a hot guy?), but as I get a bit older, I realize that there's more to life than just someone who's smoking hot. And lately, a lot of the guys I've dated for a bit tend to be of similar mindset. But the "you're hot" or "What's up?" questions fall on deaf ears. It's gonna take more than that to catch my attention (in case you were wondering...)
OK, you cuntbitchslobmotherfuckingwasteofairuglgybitch..whew...glad I got that out of the way.
You are funny..and yes,the eyes are nice...nice that you have two...I checked and so many others do, too. Back to me; two eyes, ascerbic wit, and an impressive peni...er wit..Shit, that's all I came up with..
So... another date lined up??
You're right, of course. This is all about the common courtesy stuff I've been howling about for weeks. If someone wants to hook up then the should say so. They should respect that you're labeled "friends" not looking for a dick to play with. But people don't do that. They always gotta go with the arrogance thing... the ego thing. I hate that. I've gotten a bunch of stupid men hitting on me on YIM lately. What part of "in a relationship" on my profile tells someone that I'm a good candidate to IM and say, "I'm horny. I need a girlfriend"? I'm glad you met someone cool though. A rarity for so many online places it seems like. (BTW this is Winter futzing with the new pen name.)
I am on Bear411, but I am a vain bear. ;P Look me up under "Brettcajun". What's your handle?
Like I implied, the hottest organ a man has is his brain! If you are smart, funny, and sensitive, the shell can have many cracks!
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